


8 or 9 ish

by losestelia



Series: BROKEN CLOCKS [3]
Category: ONF (Band)
Genre: Additional Warnings Apply, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Angst and Humor, Awkward Sexual Situations, Coming Untouched, First Time Blow Jobs, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Marking, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Relationship(s), Weddings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-15
Updated: 2019-05-12
Packaged: 2019-11-18 06:07:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18114839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/losestelia/pseuds/losestelia
Summary: “maybe- maybe i’ve lost it. and maybe that's okay?”minkyun scoffs and loosens his tie for the fiftieth time since they got in the car. “i don't know what movie you think you’re in but i’d appreciate if you ended this scene quickly and talk to me like a rational adult.” hyojin throws his head into the cloth seats of minkyun's stupid honda, laughter mechanical, “when have i ever done anything like a rational adult, minkyun?”or seungjoon is about to get married and everything falls apart





	1. daisy

**Author's Note:**

> a general warning that this fic will go up in rating and content warnings as we continue. i will continue to update them as we proceed and update the notes for each chapter. i honestly don't know how long this story will end up being but i'm gonna say....pretty fucking long. this fic is a continuation of '7 am' and before '10 pm', it might be helpful to read '7 am' because you'll get a feel for the au(and it comes up later on) but, 10 pm has nothing to do with anything atm.  
> *big sigh*  
> alright get ready  
> i'm so sorry for this guys, truly  
> -rose

the light from the fridge is nearly blinding in the darkness that holds the empty kitchen.

hyojin squints through the brightness and stares at his options with unwavering indifference. like every food, beverage and condiment tasted the same and it didn't matter which he chose. cereal, eh. three-day old chicken, triple eh. the cake from seungjoon's engagement party. he lets his hand reach for it like he'll eat it, then recoils like it's suddenly disgusting. hyojin’s hand slide down the cold steel handle and slaps his bare thigh. seungjoon's engagement party was yesterday, he'd told minkyun he didn't want to go. that it would be weird for him to show up at his ex-boyfriend's engagement party when he didn't look absolutely gorgeous. 

which was just a front for the fact that he was scared. scared, that the second his eyes meet seungjoon's all the time he spent rebuilding himself, figuring it all out. 

will all be for nothing. 

because no matter where they are, how long it's been, or even who he's made himself it be. 

hyojin always finds himself at seungjoon's feet.

“you do look gorgeous, jinnie. go, won't you?” minkyun mumbled into his neck 3 mornings ago. hyojin shifted in the sheets so he could face minkyun's tired expression, the sharp lines of his eyes and lips blurred in his hazy sight.

“i gained like 10 pounds since he last saw me. i shouldn't go. too fat.”

hyojin ran a slow hand over minkyun's bare shoulders, eyes downcast like minkyun's nipples we're the most interesting thing ever.  which is easily convincing.

minkyun shook his head, sighing quickly.

“hyojin you've never been fat, not once in your whole existence.” hyojin snapped his head up to protest but was cut off by a sharp pinch on his ass. “you're just thick.” 

hyojin pushed blindly at minkyuns body until he heard a thud on the floor and a screech. minkun grumbled about his old bones and assault. “that's what you get for being a dumbass.” hyojin leaned over the bed to see if minkyun was actually damaged. minkyun looked relatively unharmed. rubbing at the back of his head for a second before looking up at hyojin, and with a cheshire grin, pulling him down to the cold wooden floors by his hand. hyojin came crashing onto minkyun with a disgusting slap of skin on skin, hyojin wrinkled his nose in distaste. 

“you're naked.” minkyun grins playfully, wrapping his strong arms around hyojin's shoulders

“you're naked.” they were so close that hyojin was annoyed that they weren't kissing. he knew that's what minkyun wanted, so he stayed put. he’d dangle it in front of him like catnip until he swatted a paw at it. minkun gave in first, pushing closer into hyojin's body to take his lips in a lazy lock. chaste lips against one another in a friendly exchange, like a handshake with your face. the mental image of such a thing isn't exactly pleasant. okay, it sounded better in his head. kissing minkyun was always like this. a flirty, fluttery apparition of a feeling. like the warm glow and heat of a vanilla candle. loving minkyun wasn't a furnace or a bonfire, it was subtle and safe, sweet smelling and comfortable. minkyun sits them both up until hyojin is seated softly on the other's thighs. he feels minkyun's hands trace over the ridges in his spine and down the aggravating swell of his hips. needless to say, this is where his weight always went, to a place that made his baggy shorts look like hot pants. he despised it. minkyun, a fucking mind reader, brings hyojin closer so his chin rests solidly on the older's shoulder.

“jinnie.” 

hyojin doesn't get why minkyun likes to whisper in his ear so much, the hot air on his skin makes him want to pull away. but hyojin endures it because the way minkyuns voice drops never fails to make him shudder. hyojin grunts in response.

“you're thick with 3 c’s"

hyojin knees him in the chest, screaming curses until the cats started to meow at their bedroom door. 

 

* * *

 

 

when you see your boyfriend standing in the kitchen crying in front of the fridge, you get worried.

you think first, 'it's so early why the fuck is my boyfriend up so early?’. then you think, 'what could have possibly been in the fridge that could make him cry?’. and when all of that is asked and no answers are provided you just wait until he notices you leaning on the wall beside him. because you know better than to interrupt a man when he's crying. 

these are the things that minkyun does when he sees hyojin crying in front of the fridge, which is more times than he can count on all of his appendages. he doesn't like to think about it. he doesn't like to mention it. the sound of hyojin crying comes as regularly as his laughter. he never explains why he stands in front of they're usually empty fridge and sobs, so minkyun stopped asking.

around 7 am hyojin's crying stops and he limps into minkyun's arms so he can carry him to the safety of the couch to watch early reruns of 'friends’. hyojin really likes friends, he's seen the show more than a hundred times all the way through. he tells him it was comforting back when he was little and didn't have many friends of his own. he can quote every line of every episode but, still finds every punchline just as hilarious, if not more so. minkyun just likes it when hyojin's happy even if he doesn't really get why he's into ‘friends’ so much, minkyun had always been more of a 'seinfeld’ guy. 

he'd never say that though.

  
  


* * *

 

 

“so you're telling me after 2 years with minkyun, you're breaking it off so you can go to seungjoon, your ex-boyfriend seungjoon’s wedding, and break it up?” changyoon points his caramel frappuccino accusingly in hyojin’s direction. hyojin doesn't know why he thought that telling changyoon his plan would give him any sort of validation. 

from the way changyoon frowned at him over his straw, abusing the wrapper in his frustration, it doesn't look like he's getting an easy way out.

“well not “break up” his wedding, just tell him how i feel. and it's his decision from then.”

changyoon's drink hangs, swinging slightly on his limp wrist.

“you’re such an _idiot_.” hyojin leans forward in his chair, enough to bang his head on the table a few times making the metal shake on the concrete floor. “i’m sure you’re right but why?”

changyoon sets his drink down to clasp his hands together as if he's praying but, changyoons never prayed a day in his life and as taxing as this situation is he wouldn't resort to it now. “hyojin, darling,” nothing was ever good when changyoon called him ‘darling’. last time he called him darling he'd told him he crashed his mazda into a streetlamp. “if you go in there and tell seungjoon how you feel, you may feel better for a second, maybe an hour. but you've ruined seungjoon and-uh what's-her-face’s lives forever.” changyoon punctuates the words ‘forever’ with some depressing jazz hands. “okay but, how do you know that? how do you know that seungjoons not gonna be like ‘i love you too hyojin, let's make out’?” his seungjoon impression sounded like an asthmatic lumberjack and changyoon’s cheeks puffed up with laughter, “how do you know he won't say that?” hyojin was wasting his breath. 

even he knew this was bad. 

bad beyond anything he's ever done. 

and he hasn't always been this stupid, he just fell in love, fell in love then got scared. one night when he was alone in his room, after he and seungjoon's regular wednesday date night, he had this thought. a vivid flash of he and seungjoon kissing under an ocean of fireworks. the boom and crash of the explosions matching the way his heart pounded. a flash of seungjoon’s hands on him with the crackling sparks raining in the background. 

hyojin was 16 and didn't know what to do. because it's one thing to daydream about kissing benedict cumberbatch, but this? someone he knew cared about him and that he loved so much it drove him crazy? 

for some reason that was different. 

he was scared.

scared of voicing to seungjoon that yeah, he did want to make out with him. yeah, holding hands is cool but hyojin wanted _that_. he wanted more.

he was scared of saying it. because it would make it real.

scared of being vulnerable.

scared of letting seungjoon know, let him see a weak part of him. it wasn't until now he’d learned that love means being weak. and weakness is worth the fireworks. 

“you do realize you just said all of that out loud, right?” changyoon’s bangs are parted in the middle which means he's serious, it means he's listening. and no, hyojin was not aware. “well the more you know.” he laughs but mostly out of self-loathing. because he came to changyoon knowing he would make fun of him, hoping for it. he wasn't in any sort of position to be taken seriously. 

“so the reason you broke up with seungjoon in high school was because he’d triggered a sexual awakening that you didn't know how to handle?” changyoon sounded like he was mocking him, “that’s it?”  but then again, it could just be how incredibly childish the situation sounded coming from another person's mouth. 

because it was childish.

now that he's older and better at repressing things like this it just seems stupid.

plain fucking stupid.

“in a nutshell.”

 

 

 

 


	2. coral rose

hyojin insists they arrive 30 minutes late. 

he insists that they wait in the chapel parking lot and listen to minkyun’s old(and thoroughly scratched) alicia keys cd to its completion before they enter the hall. he says that he likes to be fashionably late that he doesn't want to be “the chump that showed up on time” but he’s tapping his foot out of beat with ‘wreckless love’. he’s breathing so heavy the buttons on his dress shirt seem distressed. but minkyun doesn't worry. because alicia keys told him not to. 

somewhere between ‘no one’ and ‘teenage love affair’ his eye starts to twitch. the parking lot has cleared of people and he sees changyoon walk in with a slim black haired kid and a smaller blonde one. changyoon is late to everything and it seems against his religion to arrive after a man that takes an hour to pick a pair of socks.

he’s seriously on the verge of dragging hyojin out of the car. 

“jin, we should go in.” hyojin whips his head around, eyes wide and blinking quickly. hyojin leans toward the stereo and turns the volume down slightly, taking him a few tries to get the dial between his slick fingers.

“we’re not fashionably late yet.” his voice is breathy yet squeaky, he speaks through cracked lips from breathing so heavily through his mouth. he’s shaking and sick looking. how hyojin expects him to believe he’s just friends with seungjoon, is kind of insulting. 

“hyojin, how big of an idiot do you think i am?” hyojin laughs, then stops laughing just as fast. ‘teenage love affair’ stutters and skips as minkyun says those words. he’d put the track on repeat. he didn't even know his car could do that but, it’s obvious now that ‘teenage love affair’ has been playing for the past 5 minutes they’ve been sitting here. he must've hit a button when he slammed the cd player when it kept scratching during ‘the thing about love’.

“we’re at your ex-boyfriend’s wedding, i never expected you to be okay.” hyojin licks his lips then rubs the spit off with his sleeve,“i’m over him, it’s okay. i’m fine.”

minkyun sighs sharply, rubbing his temples slowly, “y’know when ‘i’m fine’ sounds true? when you say it while shaking and hyperventilating.”

alicia keys’ scratchy yet charming voice is the soundtrack to their breakup, he supposes. he should be more upset, shouldn't he? hyojin is the love of his life? his brain is spinning up in the mouth of this tornado, displacing things he thought he knew. normally when you date people it’s a casual affair. people break up and get back together like clockwork. minkyun just assumed he and hyojin were outside of time, outside of a cyclical timeline. he asks himself why and he replies to himself with a shrug. he and hyojin have had a lot of fun together in this weird relationship formed over weird circumstances. minkyun will gladly take his place as a jealous ex-boyfriend, because he is that. jealous, he means. he’s not really jealous of seungjoon, just jealous of hyojin for getting to live out his love story. 

even if he was just an obstacle, he hopes he was a fun one. 

“hyojin just- i don’t know. talk to me?”

 

* * *

 

 

“all that “as long as he’s with someone that makes him happy, i’m happy” nonsense doesn't work with me. i’m a taurus minkyun, that shit isn't enough.” hyojin twists so he can face minkyun’s profile. his jaw is visible, sharp and scary.  “so you’re telling me you want to go in there and break up his wedding over that? ‘uhm yes excuse me, i reject this union because y’know i was born in april’ have you lost your fucking mind?” he raises his feet on the seat, rubbing his damp hands onto his dark dress pants. “maybe- maybe i’ve lost it. and maybe that's okay?” minkyun scoffs and loosens his tie for the fiftieth time since they got in the car.

“i don't know what movie you think you’re in but i’d appreciate if you ended this scene quickly and talk to me like a rational adult.”  hyojin throws his head into the cloth seats of minkyuns stupid honda, laughter mechanical, “when have i ever done anything like a rational adult, minkyun?” minkyun climbed onto his seat so he was kneeling in it as well, his head hitting the roof of the car occasionally from his stupid tall ass. he shuffled around to look at hyojin through his grey contacts. hyojin doesn't know why he wears them but if it's to scare the shit out whoever makes eye contact with him, it's working splendidly.

“i don’t care that you’re in love with your spindly ex-boyfriend, i don’t care that you’re not happy about him getting married. i do care, however, that you’re trying to convince me to let you leave this car and go break up a  _ wedding _ , so you can tell this guy how you feel.” he stops himself to swallow a lump in his throat, pushing his blonde hair away from his forehead. minkyun is handsome, hot when he wants to be. there's nothing minkyun could give him he’d refuse, it’s easy to say he loves him. affection for minkyun rolls off his tongue easier than his own name. the problem wasn't that he didn't love him, it was just a different kind. it might be selfish to just move on but, there’s only so long he can sit on the couch with minkyun and watch reruns. only so long he can allow himself to kiss him, laugh with him, fuck him, before he remembers that there’s a line between sex and love. that simmering deep desire is something he and minkyun don’t have. it’s a fluttering, surface level thing. whatever the world wants to call that. he shouldn't allow himself to be with him when he was so insanely in love with someone else. it wasn't fair to him. and for years he’s been saying, ‘screw not fair. live you life in the moment!’. that was until they got a wedding invitation in the mail. that was before the nightmares, insomnia, the mornings spent crying in front of food he knows he won't be able to swallow. he can't swallow because all his feelings are caught in his throat, churning up bile and truth. his heart is pounding its way up until his feelings are on his tongue and eventually he’ll have to spit them out. and minkyun will see his troubles, his mistakes, clear as saliva. 

minkyun just stares at him like he wants an answer, or maybe like he's expecting hyojin to be upset.

the beat of ‘teenage love affair’ comes stumbling through the speakers again, slicing the tension in the car. 

“and if i hear this song again i swear to god- hyojin can you pause it or something.”

he scrambles to slam his finger into the eject, the cd sliding out sadly.

minkyun grabs his wrist as he pulls away from the radio controls. he’s shaking a little.

“we’re only going in there if you promise me right now- and this is a ridiculous thing i never thought i’d have to say- just  _ don’t break up the wedding _ .” hyojin closes his eyes lightly and exhales his answer, “promise.”. minkyun releases his wrist then takes his keys out of the car, causing the alicia keys bubble they lived in to pop until they can hear string music playing from the building's open doors. 

“we should go, ceremony starts soon.” minkyun voice has softened out from his “dom voice" as hyojins coined it. hyojin relaxes his shoulders and unbuckles his seatbelt with one hand, “okay.”

minkyun taps the unlock button and hyojin pulls at the handle. it’s childish for him to pull a stunt like this, something he used to do when his teachers told him not to something. a childhood trick to disobeying, he’d always wait until his teachers or parents were out of sight. all he can do is wait. he waits for minkyun to slip out and slam his door. he waits for his breathing to even out and for his eyes to focus. he waits until he's sure minkyun isn't looking. 

he waits until then to take his other hand out from behind his back, and uncrosses his fingers. 

 

* * *

 

the lobby is disgustingly beautiful.

a seemingly endless expanse of mirror-like marble tile with a big pink rose seal in the center of the room. minkyun chooses to stand directly on it as he lets hyojin flit off to a crowd of friends from high school. he looks a bit more calm, well calm bu hyojin standards. color has at least returned to his face, and he hears him laugh at a joke someone made.  the big-headed boyfriend in him wanted to tell him to stay at his side, he wanted to clutch onto the illusion that everything is fine for a little longer. because he knows the second they walk into that chapel their relationship is truly over. they never talked about it like they should've, but minkyun knows. how could you piece something so confusing back together?

all 4 of the expensive looking chandeliers cast pink light over everyone, forcing minkyun to see tonight with rose-tinted lenses. he notices a bouquet of red and blue roses sitting at the guestbook table. the only splash of a deeper color. the roses compliment well, evenly mixed among each other hugging the sides of the big gold vase. 

pretty 

“you seem awfully calm for someone whose boyfriend is in love with the groom and plans to ruin the wedding.” changyoon comes out of seemingly nowhere, which is one of his few talents.

_ he’s not my boyfriend anymore. _ he curbs that response and just turns to the man behind him. changyoon wore a fitted black suit with a pale pink bow tie that looked strikingly similar to the one he wore to the spring formal back in high school. ah, high school, where everything started to go to shit it seemed. 

they have a difficult relationship. 

minkyun had a bit of a thing for him during freshman year and they had falling out because of it, fast forward 3 years and they still don't talk how they used to. changyoon still hangs his little 15-year-old confessions texts over his head but, really just holds onto them. and minkyun still mutes him for a few days out of spite when he starts ranting about some guy he’s seeing on twitter. 

they attempted a friends with benefits thing junior year just to say it happened and things just got weirder from there but it ended abruptly for really no reason at all. after spring formal it’s like they went back to the way everything was and acted like it was a regular day.  they never actually did anything worth telling because, let's face it, they're pussies. something in the air is different though, like he’s breathing him through a web of cotton. and time doesn't seem to be clearing the air.

“you seem awfully cheeky for someone wearing a suit from the 11th grade.” changyoon’s gummy smile dissolves at this, he straightens his bowtie and sticks his button nose in the air. “i look good in it, moron.” minkyun snorts mostly for his own pride because, yes, he did look pretty damn good. changyoon has changed minimally since they were in high school, save for ditching the braces and the side bangs. he has somewhat of an hourglass figure, all strong chests, and wavy hips. maybe it’s the lighting but his skin looks sculpted softly like clay. with the alluring shape of his eyelids, minkyun wonders why he’s still single. “alright i don’t look that good, go check out your lovesick boyfriend instead.” changyoon flushes like he didn't expect minkyun to check the validity of the statement. minkyun leans in to straighten changyoons bowtie, whispering a quick goodbye and going to find a seat. he squeezes awkwardly through the bunches of people at the door who all seem to be staring at something.

the altar, an arc of white and pink flowers covers the sunlit platform. the walls of the church are a cool smooth stone and minkyun fight the urge to run his fingers over it. all the chairs are in rows, big pink bows tied around the satin chair covers. there doesn't seem to be a seating chart so he just sits in the row behind some people he recognizes, his palms start sweating as he breathes in for what was meant to be a relaxing sigh but, gets caught in his chest. it’s real now, he’s in a wedding hall that's about to get overturned basically. all these smiling people in their sunday best are about to witness, what he hopes, is their first ruined wedding.

he’s not an idiot, hyojin will do what he wants at the end of the day. even if it’s not the cliche ‘speak now’ he’ll make his feelings clear. it doesn’t make it any better to know this beautiful event’s fate.  in an expensive hall, in an expensive chair, huffing in some most likely expensive air. he wonders if all of this is clicking with hyojin too, he hoped to god it clicks soon. 

and then the room’s dark.

“long time no see, kyun ah.” the voice is familiar but with a touch of something more annoying. he takes a moment to take in the feeling of the hands on him before promptly ripping away from them.

seungjoon. 

“seungjoon, don’t you have a wedding to...do.” seungjoon laughs, a sound like a sleigh bell that makes minkyun wanna slap that grin right off his face. minkyun’s met the man like 3 times in his life, 2 of those times hyojin was dating him in high school. and of course minkyun didn't like the person hyojin was dating, even if he was just friends with him at the time. it’s not like there was anything inherently wrong with the man, he was always polite and smiling even when he had every right to toss some brandy in minkyun’s face. 

“well, i just thought i’d say hello before i..did my wedding.” 

again. he’s met the man like 3 times. 

it’s more believable that he’d greet one of the crystal chandeliers before him. 

just then he sees the curvy figure of a certain changyoon coming behind seungjoon, followed by the 2 unfamiliar kids. they huddle next to changyoon like they’ve never been outside before.

“joonie! ah it really is your wedding day, i’m so proud!” the small blonde kid snickers, his stoic face splitting into a jagged grin. he’s wearing a pretty satin pink shirt and black pants that match changyoons. “yoonie! i’m so glad you came, you’re always so busy.” seungjoon corrals changyoon into a hug, which he all but barrels into. still true to form, makes gagging faces over seungjoons shoulder in minkyun’s direction. 

he only laughs a little, playing it off as something in his throat.

“so are you gonna introduce me to your friends?” seungjoon smiles at the 2 unfamiliar kids who look a bit scared. changyoon beams and slings his arms around both of them, “this is my cousin minseok and his boyfr-” the black haired kid elbows changyoon in the ribs, blushing. “i mean his best friend, yuto. he’s a japanese exchange student at minseok’s school.” 

the boy, minseok, smiles blindingly at seungjoon. holding out his hand inviting seungjoon to shake, “nice to meet you.” seungjoon grips minseok’s hand and shakes it returning his smile with almost electric enthusiasm. 

“nice to meet you too.” they just stand there smiling and complimenting each other. changyoon scowls at the pair whispering under his breath, “oh sweet lord there's 2 of them.”

_ they look like father and son somehow.  _

changyoon nudges the blonde previously identified as yuto towards minkyun, the poor kid looks terrified.

“uh hi, i’m minkyun. you’re best friend’s cousin’s...uhm, close friend.” there isn’t a word for what he and changyoon’s relationship is but, changyoon doesn’t say anything about his word choice so he figures it’s good enough.  yuto’s face brightens, coming closer and eyes him up and down, “minkyun hyung? you’re the one in the photo.” minkyun laughs, yuto doesn’t. 

“what photo?” 

“the photo on changyoon hyung’s table, at-” changyoon puts his hand on yuto’s shoulder, smiling at minkyun with sickly sweetness.

“let’s find somewhere to sit, okay?”

 

* * *

 

 

it's weird how happy yet bittersweet you can feel seeing the guy you like in front of you smiling fondly at someone you’ve never seen. no, he was just kidding- he’s not happy at all. it’s not even bittersweet, it’s just plain ass bitter. hyojin bites his lower lip and stares at the ground to distract himself from getting emotional. it’s difficult to accept the stupid reality but he knows he should be happy for both of them. he knows that if he and seungjoon were really meant to together, that’d be them up at the altar. with minkyun clutching his hand, most likely to keep him from running away. from the moment they left his car minkyun knew he was a flight risk, he knew that even after he promised there was a chance he’d try to pull something anyway. 

 

he has tunnel vision, he zeros in on seungjoon as the officiant clears his throat. he can’t see minkyun or any of his friends that all seem to be watching him instead of the wedding. because they know he’s stupid enough to try and make a scene. that he’s not the type of guy that can be happy just _ for _ you, he has to be happy  _ with _ you. he’s a fool who had possibly the best relationship and lost it because the timing was wrong. now all he can do is put his hand over minkyun’s and lift it off his own. now all he can do is clear his mind of all reason and logic behind his actions and just close his eyes. now all he can think about it how if he had just kept seungjoon by his side his tears would have been saved, his heart wouldn't constantly be throbbing for something new, he wouldn't have to hurt minkyun. 

 

he’s always been such a whore for tragedy. 

 

“-now or forever hold your peace.”

changyoon looked at him with a look that could stop a war, a calming reassuring one that tried to reason with him. his mind was made up, he didn't want to live like this anymore. he can't. 

“excuse me?.” hyojin gets to his untrustworthy feet, wobbling as he raises a shaking hand that is watched intently by the guests and his friends. he sees changyoon put his head between his knees and minkyun is just clutching his leg trying to forcefully pull him back to his seat. The 2 boys by changyoon are stuck in a loop, heads darting from seungjoon to hyojin and back again. hyojin wills himself to only look at seungjoon and not the bride’s parents who look ready to decapitate him. 

 

 

“i um, i object.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the alicia keys album they're talking about is 'as i am'  
> a cd i actually have!  
> it's pretty aite for being released in like 2005, 'teenage love affair' is actually hilarious and the lyrics Kill me. 
> 
> anyway thanks for reading!


	3. buttercup

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this update is mad late i've been so tired and generally not feelin sitting down and inflicting angst and suffering on my kpop boys.  
> but yknow  
> i'm feelin it today!!  
> enjoy  
> -rose
> 
>  
> 
> UPDATE: i'm a big fucking idiot and i didnt post an ENTIRE VERY IMPORTANT SCENE with this chapter so i updated it.  
> i wouldve posted it alone or with another one but like thatd fuck with the flow so here you go  
> i'm a big fool.

_this is not happening_

  
is what minkyun is supposed to be thinking when hyojin wobbles to his feet, clutching his hands like someone might steal one of them. but there's no point in denying what he suspected might happen anyway. once hyojin gets an idea in his head it’s near impossible to get it out. minkyun made this mistake once before when he told him he’d never tried double stuffed oreos. so hyojin, his lovely idiot of a boyfriend, orders some off ebay. 5-8 business days later they receive an innocent looking oreo container with a mangled rat carcass inside. minkyun can’t stand oreos or the sight or smell of icing. another mistake he’d made that stemmed from his aversion to icing was never being able to throw away the cake from the seungjoon's engagement party. so it just sat in the fridge festering, growing other cake on itself or whatever you called it. the sight of it was repulsing but, hyojin refused to throw it away even when minkyun begged him to. he made a joke along the lines of, “whatever demon is living in the cake must have got its hands on you.”.

hyojin had just stared at him with his bloodshot eyes and his lazy lopsided grin and said, “yeah, it won’t let go.”. minkyun had laughed without thinking about it, had simply kissed hyojins temple and flopped on a beanbag chair with minty without looking back. it wasn't until he finally saw the pattern did he realize hyojin wasn't going to give up on this, even if it meant doing something obviously stupid.

“i beg your pardon, young man?” the officiant looked like he had his multi-colored robes in a bunch as he set whatever holy book he was holding onto the table behind him. jaeyoung, the best man who minkyun only remembers as the guy every girl was in love with in high school, was looking at hyojin with his mismatched eyes narrowed, a vein in his forehead bulging. the bride’s expression was unreadable behind her veil but, she probably wasn't too thrilled either. seungjoon.  
seungjoon had a smile on his lips, one that looked like a secret that minkyun had a sinking feeling hyojin knew. he must have finally gone crazy. years of working too often and drinking too much had finally caught up to him in the form of this growing insanity. it was so much easier when hyojin just had an ill-fated plan when he could just be prepared to catch him when he fell. that look on seungjoon’s face said he wasn’t shocked or upset, he wasn't happy or sad.

  
he was expecting it.  
he seemed to be the only one in the hall that hadn’t done a double take.

  
“just me or does seungjoon look way too chill?” changyoon folded over, looking at him over his kneecaps, “did hyojin tell him?”. minkyun ducks to changyoons level. “i-i don't know, you're really asking the wrong person.” changyoon dropped his hands to his shoes, drawing sad faces into the shiny leather. he whispered quickly, “but considering how he turned up from the lobby kind of slow, he was probably confiding in jaeyoung's understanding ass and-”  
“jaeyoung told seungjoon.” it hurt him to even have the words leave his lips. he'd talked to seungjoon, made awkward banter about nothing while he knew behind that stupid grin that things would go to shit. he let him sit down at his chair and hold hyojin's hand thinking with an ounce of certainty that everything would be fine.  
that the world wouldn't burn.  
changyoon tapped a manicured pink nail to the dense marble floor, making a quiet sound, “cracked the code genius.” minkyun would be annoyed that changyoon was turning this into a big game, that his now ex-boyfriend, was about to get his ass pummeled in church. that since seungjoon didn't seem at all close to stopping him, hyojin would wall himself off a cliff.  
changyoon sat up suddenly in his chair as hyojin started to make his way down the row of legs, mumbling apologies. to minkyun’s horror, walking shakily down the rose petal covered aisle approaching the clean arc of flowers. “this can’t be happening.” minkyun finally says it, unheard among the hurried chattering of the crowd. hyojin was being berated by threats as he shuffled along the aisle. and all minkyun could do was try and wrap his head around this giant elephant in the room that now feels like it’s sitting on his lungs. he can’t move, helpless, watching the man he loves walk to his inevitable heartbreak.  
or not.  
he could be striding into a life he's been dreaming about, towards a fated bliss. there's that terrible sense that minkyun's been holding him back, that if he had just stayed out of the way hyojin wouldn't have had to be in pain. watching him walk into hell like this, it would feel the same as catching a glimpse of hyojin and seungjoon's future wedding.  
it's horrible he can't tell which ones worse.

“when i look at seungjoon i think, ‘he’s the one for me’. i think that every second of every day since the day we met.” hyojin looks like he might cry as he wobbles up closer. the woman, who moved her veil slightly, is beautiful, she has curled dark hair and round caring eyes. her long white dress kisses the floor ever so slightly, the lace fitted against her skin so tight minkyun doesn't think she can move very well. for a second he feels bad, he feels bad for the woman who must've been preparing for this day her whole life and had to listen to a messy little man ruin it.  
“it’s hard for me to forget everything i feel, it’s kind of like torture.” hyojin takes a step towards her, she takes a step back. fair enough. “i stand every morning in front of my fridge and cry, i cry because i have so many regrets. i regret not talking back to the teacher that picked on me in middle school, or volunteering more or eating healthy. i regret so much stupid shit and i think my breaking point is regretting never telling seungjoon how much i really loved him. how much i do love him.” hyojin straightens himself and starts to kneel on the chapel floor. changyoon looks like he’s seen a ghost, pale white features turning slightly blue-green. the woman moves forward like she’s going to protest but hyojin shakes his head hard enough his earrings slap his face. hyojin bows until minkyun’s lost sight of him over the sea of heads.

  
_“please forgive my mistakes!.”_

  
it grates against his ears, he feels it in his teeth echoed his skull. he feels his guilt shoot down his spine and to his toes. he hadn't realized he was holding changyoon’s hand until he’d let it go. pushing his way through the row, sprinting his way to hyojin before he could scream at him to stop. changyoon grabbed hyojin by his arm and dragged him to the big wooden doors, kicking them open and throwing hyojin through them. minkyun stood to tell him not to throw his boyfriend around, then he realizes that’s not his boyfriend, that's just hyojin, his crazy friend that cries in the morning and likes having his hair pulled. and that changyoon is still on the other side of the door, staring at him. his lips make big looping motions, barely heard over the yelling in the room.  
he mouths at him the words,  _sit down now_.

 

* * *

 

it all happened so fast.

one second it’s him and the shitty speech he practiced in the car on the way here, then it’s bright lights and his shoulders are screaming.  he thought for a minute seungjoon was going to come and defend him, take his hand and lead him away. 

changyoon got to him first.

he’s dragged into the middle of the marble floor, his head in the center of a carved rose petal. the way changyoon just stares at him for a moment, like this is all his fault. like he’d given him the rules to his game, and hyojin had broken them all. it was something like disappointment in his eyes. he didn't move or protest as changyoon’s fist hit his jaw straight, then his nose, then his jaw again. the weapon was small but the power behind it was almost unfair. he could hear his bones cracking and his ears start ringing. and he hears changyoon crying and yelling. 

and he’s sorry, he’s so sorry. 

“minkyun was so worried about you, he loves you so much and you're so- so, just-” changyoon’s fist stops before it hits hyojin again. retracted back to it’s owner, bloodied and bruised.

“you’re ungrateful.” 

hyojin squinted at him through the eye that didn't have sweat and blood in it. he thinks changyoon is still crying, he's wiping his face with his suit jacket which is now lying limp on the marble floor. “i'm sorry.” is what he means to say but with the way his lip is swelling it comes out more like “aim powy.” and changyoons smiling again. gums showing between his lips, bubbling up into laughter, throwing his head back and shrieking out gallons of bottled...happiness? you just can't tell with changyoon. 

he sometimes shows up for christmas, new years and, weddings. you were lucky to get a call on your birthday. 

he was still waiting at their door to help he and minkyun move into their new apartment when they'd asked him. he made them an endearing housewarming present: a heart-shaped clock that refuses to tick. and when he makes the mistake of trying to check the time, he’s greeted with the same 7 am. he doesn't know when the clock stopped working, or if it ever did. the idea of giving a broken clock as a gift is so incredibly changyoon.

sometimes he thinks he broke the clock on purpose. 

he’s always wanted the best for all of them, a dream that everyone could be happy at once. he wanted hyojin to have the love of his life back but, then there was minkyun. he wanted seungjoon to understand and jaeyoung to be blissfully clueless. he never knew what changyoon wanted, he'd spoken vaguely of guys and girls, but he had a feeling they were made up to fill the looming loneliness. 

changyoons heaved a little, slumped over, head between his legs. 

“i asked you not to do this, because if you do this then it’s my turn to make a dumb mistake.” it’s quiet, like he’s talking to himself more than to hyojin.

“kyun won’t be too happy that i beat his pretty little boy toy like a pinata.” he heaves again, more like a wheeze. hyojin starts to be offended but, just ends up feeling guilty for some reason.

“hanyoo’ iw beh okah.” he tries to comfort through the swelling. changyoon giggles richly into his thigh, the end turning down into a choked breath. slinging himself up to standing, stumbling like a drunk until he tilted his chin up to gaze down at hyojin between his bangs. changyoon’s narrow eyes narrowed further into slits, the pitch of his pupils overtaking the pink tinged whites. his bow ties crooked and there's blood on his milky white skin, he looks kind of like a magician who had a shitty day. 

lee changyoon was a friend he knew nothing about, but known forever. a friend that floated in and out of his mind. a friend that acted like a the director of the world’s most depressing movie. puppet master, wild card, well-meaning villain. 

“and don’t even  _ think _ of running out on this shit you caused. i could give less of a fuck about seungjoon but, go give minkyun some closure.” he dips and swings his suit jacket over his shoulder with the hand that isn't purpling by his side.

_ closure _

“do me a favor too, and drive the kids home,” there's a glimmer of something sad and serious across his face then he adds with a swooping bow, “darling.” changyoon turns and walks towards the double glass exit doors. kneeing the door open and standing right outside of it, eerily still. 

before turning suddenly, smirking over his shoulder. 

then vomiting

 

* * *

 

 

they’d walked out of the chapel without a word.

minkyun didn’t ask about the blood and hyojin didn’t say much of anything while minkyun wiped some of it off with a towel in the bathroom. hyojin ushered yuto and minseok into the car with them and they got the fuck out of there.

after hyojin was dragged out seungjoon had run to the back, followed by jaeyoung, followed by what looked like seungjoon’s sister. he only wondered for a split second where the fuck he was going before deciding he didn’t care and leaving out the side exit. he hid in an office room for god knows how long, listening to chatter and gossip about the “happy couple”.

bold of anyone to assume seungjoon would marry that girl to begin with.

well, bold of anyone to assume that hyojin was as absolutely crazy as it turns out he is.

now he's just driving. 

empty dark road illuminated only by his manilla headlights. and the trend of them not talking about it has unfortunately stopped.

“hyojin, i’m going to pull over.” he’s gripping the steering wheel as hard as he can without snapping it. the air in the car isn't on so you can hear the way the kids are trying to hold in there breathes like they’re interrupting. “can’t you just listen to what i have to say?” he shouldn't be as upset as he is, he’s normally a calm collected guy that wouldn't hurt a fly if it stole a dollar from him. normally not the high strung, wound tight kind of angry that he is right now. but after everything that’s happened today, how can he operational define normal, really?

“i've needed to get that off my chest it was killing me to have to keep it to myself-” _normally_ people don’t go breaking up their ex-boyfriend’s weddings, get beaten up, bail, then drive around two minors they don’t know.

“it’s not as easy as 2+2 with me and him there all this history, all these memories-”  _normally_ people let their boyfriends know when they start to fall for their _ex_ -boyfriend.

“it’s like we’re meant to be-”   _normally_ people don’t give their current boyfriends a chance to fall for them over and over and over- “soulmates or something-” and people shouldn't let them hug “it’s complicated-” and kiss “this was a snap decision-” and make love “but i don’t want any more regrets-”

_overandoverandoverandoverand over andoverandoverandoverand_

“you have to understand.”

minkyun swerves into a wells fargo parking lot, so hard that yuto goes flying into the minseok. minseok doesn’t seem too upset about it though. he slams on the brakes in the general area of a parking space and turns to hyojin. he’s frazzled and bruised, covered in sweat, tears, and still a little blood that's mostly his own. his shoulder is pressed into the window like he’s trying to get as far from minkyun as possible.

“i _have_ to understand? why must i understand this- this _atrocious_ situation you’ve put me in?” he’s yelling and it looks like the kids are holding each other's hands in the rearview.

“i’m not asking you to _like_ it-”

“you shouldn't be asking me anything. as the now ex-boyfriend i have the right to be an asshole.” hyojin winces slightly as minkyun rams his hand on the console, sending a raw wave of pain vibrating through his wrist. “because i don’t think _you_ understand that i just had to sit there and watch as you proclaimed your everlasting love to some guy i’ve met fucking 3 times. you never told me how you really felt, you just stood and cried in the stupid _fucking_ fridge.”. hyojins sobbing, fat heaves of his chest and wailing. beating his own chest to keep breathing from how hard he’s crying and minkyun’s worried. he’s always worried.

“and i think i’m never gonna not be in love with you.”

he smiles into the tears, laughs into the rushed breaths. welcomes the falling sadness, the frustration that makes it harder to think about anything else other than how _fucked_ all of this is. it makes everything so much easier to pretend he’s in control.

hyojins an ugly crier. which really means a pretty crier because hyojins never been ugly a day in his life.

“i love you, kim hyojin.”

hyojins his pretty flight risk, his fragile lover. he’s watched over him, put himself in harm's way just to see hyojins toothy smile light up the world. and it was worth it. he won’t regret it. there's no point in pretending he doesn’t care. there’s no point in pretending hyojin was the only one at fault here.

“get out of my car.” hyojin’s head jerks up and his eyes get big like a bargaining child. minkyuns not in the mood to hear it. not in a place where he can afford to feel anything for him. he has to unlearn that knee jerk reaction.

“i said get out hyojin.” pretty fingers tried to grab his hand. pink nail beds cross his line of sight, like flashbacks of screaming and gunfire. of romance and promises.

“ _now._ ”

hyojin hops out of the car closing the door softly then reeling back and slamming it. minkyun grits his teeth, shifting into drive and stomping his lead foot onto the gas. driving in no particular direction, glancing into the rearview.

“so where do you fuckers live.”

 

* * *

 

 

wandering the streets in the pouring rain is only cool in the movies.

it’s only sad in the movies too.

he’s not sad, just feels like laughing himself to tears. he was kicked out of the car by his ex-boyfriend because he’s such a selfish asshole. now he guesses he’ll just wander around until he can find a convenience store out of the rain and attempt to call a lyft or something. the only thing keeping him from his clothes disintegrating into mulch was the burgundy pullover he brought in case the church was cold. you couldn't see blood on it. which was cool.

a horrible clanging clatter sound comes from behind him and he fears this is how he dies. minkyun really shouldn't have left an emotionally broken, unathletic, 5’8 little man on the street at god knows what time.

oh god, he’s gonna be on the news.

the noise gets closer along with a pair of especially bright headlights. an electric blue 2013 kia rio stops right in front of where hyojin trudges on the cracking sidewalk. it’s a douchebag car and looks like something seungjoon would think was cool. the windows were way too tinted to be legal, they were rolling down slowly. and of course.

it’s seungjoon.

“you gonna get in?” hyojin feels like puking into the puddle next to the street, going full changyoon and losing the 4 ritz crackers he had for breakfast today. “you gonna tell me why you’re not with your wife?” seungjoon flinches when hyojin practically yells over the crash of rain and distant hum of the city. hyojin doesn't like to raise his voice, but it gets his point across better sometimes.

“i don’t think i could marry her to begin with. i knew you were coming to break up the wedding, i counted on it. i- i think,” seungjoon just faces the front again finger poised over the window control, “get in.”.

hyojin shakes the rain off his hair and starts to move around the car to the passenger's seat. and that’s kind of the last straw. behind the car are cliche cans and bottles attached with string and duct tape. along with a sign that laughs in his face with it's crooked blue letters,

_JUST MARRIED!_

he’s a sick, sick excuse for a man. he’s what people write empire episodes about. he’s the bitch who deserves champagne thrown in his face. he deserves it for going to the wedding today. he deserves it for saying anything to seungjoon. he deserves it for getting in the car.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	4. red camellia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof okay this is mega big boy late because of exams and life in general. but it's finally here!!!  
> i made an executive decision to make this all on chapter because this is when the rating goes up. so please check the updated tags because it gets real my dudes.  
> anyway enjoy this and proceed with caution  
> minkyun sweetie i'm sorry  
> enjoy  
> -rose

he pitches the keys at the window, it makes a dull thunk fluttering the curtains. the pounding behind his eyes is stubbornly keeping him from rolling them. it’s unsatisfying, how not even his own house will let him be upset.

well, he’s not upset, per se. just not willing to let the hell that was this evening fade to the back of his memory yet.

hyojin got him this makeup set for christmas.

it was a small pink and orange bag stuffed with a plastic smelling chaos of what the lady in the clinique section of macy’s thought he would like. it had a small green looking perfume that smelled like rose water. a pink frosted lipstick that minkyun could only apply in moderation otherwise he looked severely dehydrated. then there was a compact. a pretty heart-shaped mirror with a small gold glittery ‘mk’ on the outside. the small heart-shaped mirror was always smudged no matter how many time minkyun licked it clean(hyojin found it disgusting but it worked like 67% of the time).

he took it everywhere, always afraid he’d lose the most precious thing to him.

the gift his boyfriend had put so much thought and so much love into and he just lost it on some street corner. he never lost the compact- never let it out of his sight.

now it’s just an old gift from hyojin- his ex.

friend of a friend, someone fate didn’t even want him to meet.

no matter how incorrect everything had felt between them, he just felt like a spirit with unfinished business every second he kissed hyojin’s lips. none of that mattered because it was over. he figured out somewhere along the way that hyojin wasn't the one he really wanted in his bed that night on new years. he’s horrible at break-ups and just wrote it off as some first love nonsense. hung up over his first love- how cheesy is that?

now that hyojin’s gone what’s he supposed to do? with the house, with the cats, with all the time he’s spent staring at that damn clock and seeing the same time.

all wasted.

it's just over

over, and all he can do is look at his puffy red face in the compact and cry. all he has right now is staring back at him through a smudgy warped little mirror- just him.

so he chucks it.

chucks it at the clock that hangs over the tv. chucks it at the clock that held so many memories between him and hyojin. everything he’s ever done right was under that clock.

the compact hits the wall with a splitting noise, clattering to the floor broken glass scatters behind the tv set.

the clock just stays, a disgusting creation of wood and nail. not moving, not flinching, not even ticking. it doesn't budge.

he screams at it like it can hear him.

he screams like somebody cares.

he presses the anger, the loneliness, the anxiety- all of it. Pushes it out of his throat until he can’t feel it anymore, he can’t hear.

why is any of it happening?

he sprints to the window and snatches up his keys, knocking a frame off the windowsill. a blurry pharmacy print of all the cats in their halloween costumes. it’s so cute, “it’s not your fault, sorry.” he stomps on the photo a few time before sprinting back to the door. just yanking it open and slamming it so hard the little mailbox thingy next to the door jostles open. he jogs out to his car giggling like a dead man walking.

there’s someone he has to see.

 

* * *

 

the light above the door flickers on automatically, the old bulb whirring to stay on.

“can i take this off now?” seungjoon’s coat is stupid heavy and dripping rainwater all over his sailor moon socks as he shucks his swampy dress shoes off.  “i thought you didn't want to get your red sweater we-" hyojin shoved the coat off and onto one of the hooks, shaking his hair out with his fingers “ _it's burgundy._ ”

“what _ever_.”

there’s no point in him lying to himself about why he gave seungjoon his address and begged for his coat, no use in fighting where this was going. hyojin didn’t want to fight anymore.

imagine a dance.

a dance without music, rhythm or pattern. that's how he's been told he kisses. minkyun used to tell him he kissed like he was playing on expert in ddr.

minkyun never said it was a bad thing.

hyojin’s knees are shaking and his ears are ringing. seconds ago, he was afraid of getting pneumonia. now he finds it difficult to focus on anything but the heady smell of seungjoon's cologne mixed with lingering water. seungjoon knocks their teeth together as he pulls hyojin towards him by his waist. warm lips melt and fade into soft tongue, and _wow_ . he’s not just kissing seungjoon he’s _french kissing_ seungjoon.

they stand in the dim foyer of his apartment. seungjoon’s face in his hands, fingers splayed over the sharp part of his jaw. although it's not really sharp it feels like the rounded teeth on a butter knife. he and seungjoon kissed when they were younger. but it felt like he was doing something wrong. sweet, _sweet_ sin pressed against him and when he would just peck him lightly on his cheek it was torture. seungjoon’s mouth was candy vodka burning its way down his throat. and even if hyojins never been fond of alcohol he might be ever so slightly addicted to this taste. seungjoon's hands are on either side of his head rather dominantly. and hyojins not complaining. he's _really_ not.  

 

* * *

 

changyoon’s place is cold.

it feels like no ones turned the heating on in this place for a decade, with how even the walls and the furniture themselves feel cold down to the stitching. when he knocked on the door after prying the address out of those kids before they went back home, he didn’t expect an answer. when he and hyojin swerved out of the church parking lot changyoon’s car was still sitting in the lot with the lights on. and after what hyojin looked like.

well, changyoon’s always been more of a lover than a fighter.

the door was unlocked and he was hollered inside by a muffled voice on the other side. racks of shoes lined the entrance, along with a pair of scuffed dress shoes thrown next to a card captor sakura lanyard full of colorful keys. he hears groaning and the sound of cushions shifting coming from the living room, “changyoon? you here?”. there are more rustling and the sound of glass clattering to the floor. minkyun decides he doesn't care if it’s a murderer and just walks into the living room. not only is all the furniture a cornea shattering shade of green but, it also looks like a tornado turned through it. there are pieces of changyoon’s suit strewn on lamps and over picture frames like melting pink taffy. perfumes, makeup brushes, and even more shoes cluttered the chairs and the main coffee table. the only semi-clean chair has a changyoon on it, with a filet of salmon on his forehead.

changyoon looks very drunk.

judging by the almost comically large wine bottle that rests on its own little green pillow. changyoon has a tv remote on his stomach. which is confusing, probably due to the fact there's no no tv, just a macbook balanced on about 7 pizza boxes. and a tattered picture frame. he bends down to retrieve the frame and almost chucks it back to the ground when he sees that he’s in it. it’s their spring formal photos, changyoon’s braces stealthily hidden behind his pink lips. minkyun in the middle of laughing at a stupid joke changyoon had told him. he’d asked changyoon to the dance a day before tickets stopped going on sale which only gave him 3 days to find an outfit. changyoon had shown up in the pink and black suit he wore tonight, his hair slicked back exposing his perfect eyebrows. minkyun wore his dad's suit from his senior prom which effectively made him look like a rectangle. he still remembers how changyoon looked that night in his oversized coat slow dancing to one of changyoon’s playlist through his phone’s shitty sound quality. how the lights just seemed to wash over him and lighten up his cute nervous smirk even more. if he knew that was the last opportunity he'd have to kiss changyoon like that he'd do it a million times over.

he looked from photo changyoon to real life changyoon passed out with fish sitting on his head mouth hanging open. he smiles a little fondly, not in the mood to laugh. his jaw hurts a little from clenching for so long, he has no energy for waking changyoon up. he sits gently next to changyoons thighs, teetering on the edge. changyoon is warm and plush, like a padded jacket or a big gooey s'more.

the more of changyoon he touched the more tired he got, eventually giving a big ‘fuck you’ to the wine bottle and laying at changyoon’s side and chucking it at the pile of clothes that could be considered a chair.

he wanted to kiss him.

all disney prince style.

but as his thumb absently traced the cracks in the frame, slicing it open slightly but not painfully. he just watches until his eyes roll back on their own.

 

* * *

 

they’re a tornado down the hallway, a tornado of ties, belts, and maybe a button or two off hyojin’s dress shirt. it takes them an exceptional amount of time to make it to hyojin’s bed because seungjoon keeps stopping to kiss him against the nearest walls. it would be annoying if it wasn’t so welcome.

his back hits the mattress, his head cushioned by seungjoon’s hand. his dark hair’s messed up, hanging close to hyojin’s face.

“so what’s the plan, jin?” hyojin feels like a teenager again at the nickname, his brain stuttering a bit because he doesn't have a plan. he has a bonfire in his heart and a semi in his dress pants, but a plan? he’s fresh out of those.

“top? bottom?-” at hyojin’s red cheeks he adds with a smirk, “up, down, left, right?”. hyojin rolls his eyes, relieved seungjoon knows exactly to ease the tension. hyojin pulls what remains of his shirt off his shoulders, watching it flutter like a ghost to the bedroom floor.

“bottom-” at seungjoon’s stare he adds, “i know i just radiate top energy, try to contain your surprise.”. seungjoon thankfully laughs and sits them both up, running a warm thin hand over his cheek, “i’m so shocked, can you tell? this is my shocked face.”. hyojin can't find a reply witty enough so he just answers with a slow kiss, working the other's lips open and letting seungjoon suck at his chapped ones. he pulls the hand that’s holding his cheek down to the front of his pants. it’s a forward move, a move he normally wouldn’t make, but there’s a bold spirit possessing him.

seungjoon undid the button and zipper without question, which hyojin appreciated. he wasn't in the mood to have his motives questioned.

 

* * *

 

he wakes up thoughtless and covered in a soft but unfamiliar blanket. the air was still chilled and laced with the smell of cheap deodorant. he can’t hear rustling or see shadows in the room or down the hall. there’s a lime green basket full of clothes folded neatly that was probably not there before he entered the room. he doesn't remember being in here in the first place though. he sits up in bed smoothing his oily bangs on his head. minkyun must have been exhausted to not notice changyoon undoing the armageddon of trash that occupied the house last night.

last night.

the wedding.

_fuck_

and hyojin.

minkyun shifts to sitting,his dress clothes are creased and sweaty. he reeks of tragedy with a hint of desperation.

he needs a shower.

 

* * *

 

seungjoon trails kisses up his folded legs, over scars and still healing bruises on his thighs. minkyun’s marks, mix with his own, mix with seungjoon’s. he feels like a canvas covered in layers of paint and marker and crayons. a piece of art you can’t quite make out. he’s smattered and imperfect, jumbled and used.

and he likes it.

seungjoon bites at the clean slates of his inner thighs and his fingernails make crescent blood moons in his lower back. he feels like a loud and intimidating symphony. full of hundreds of instruments all contributing to the sound that is him. another one of seungjoon’s fingers joins the one inside him. his hair is messy and lopsided from rolling it on the pillow. He has a fistful of sheets and another of seungjoon’s arm.

seungjoon catches his lips pants into them, _mine_

replacing two fingers with three, _mine_

soothes his whining with another kiss on his sweat-slicked forehead, hyojin’s empty, laughing and crying.

_mine_

he takes the other down until their chests meet in a sweaty, desperate brush of skin. hyojin’s fingers on the damp hair behind seungjoon’s neck.  when their hips met and seungjoon held so tightly to hyojin calf he started to lose feeling in his toes. it sounded like a thousand clasps in hyojin’s head snapping into place. like a million puzzles all being solved. like a light switch being found in a dark room.

in a single moment, hyojin finally has his answer.

“yours.”

 

* * *

 

he makes the water just hot enough so that steam clogs his lungs, filling the room with cloudy confusion.

he doesn’t know why he’s here.

he woke up in a different bed, an empty apartment, the smell of changyoon on everything. okay, maybe his motives were clear. the water pressure is insane, beating bullets at his chest. he has here for changyoon, to make some regrets. to pick up where they left off in high school, just like hyojin had done. a petty impulsive move he’s not proud of, but if he truly regretted it then he wouldn't still be here. he scrubs the wedding off of him, the crying, the screaming, the blood, winds down the drain.

he doubts anything changyoon had in his shower would make him feel clean, though.

nothing but changyoon himself. spread over sheets, blushing his cream skin raw with every part of his body-

he shuts the water off, turns it back on, ice this time. letting the cold water slap him across the face and he deserves it, the shame hammering at his heart.

he steps out of the shower after a couple more minutes of chilling his blood. he towels off, avoiding looking at himself in the mirror. knowing whatever he sees will make him question himself, question why he’s here and not with hyojin. his own face looks lonely when it’s not beside hyojin’s. he doesn’t feel empty yet, he doesn’t feel the heaviness of a break-up. he just feels the heaviness of loss. like someone died. like hyojin is gone and isn’t coming back, like he’ll never be able to look at his face again. which is ridiculous. _but is it?_ , he thinks. do they even know how to be friends again, let alone live in that house together? if not where will he go, what will he do with all the memories he has, all the time he’s spent with someone he thought he’d be with forever?

forget it all?

rewrite it all in his favor?

he groans into his towel, “this was so much easier when it was just about fucking changyoon.”

“minkyun?”

he throws the towel around his waist and turns toward the locked door, “yeah?”

he hers changyoon lean against the door and ‘uh’ for a bit, “i’m gonna make breakfast so, uh- yeah. just whenever you’re ready.”. changyoon sounds calm and tired, his voice a bit rough around the edges from the morning probably. or from screaming at hyojin and beating him into the marble floor. either is possible.

“okay, thanks.” he calls back and then a second passes and slippers trudge back down the hallway.

minkyun pulls on a par of jogger he’d gotten from the laundry basket in the room and his button up. grabbing the pink guest slippers that were by the bed and carefully opened the bathroom door.

“hey.” changyoon is standing in the kitchen, surrounded by pans and grocery bags. the smell of pancakes makes minkyun’s panic soften. “food?”.

changyoon nods watching amused as minkyun scrambles to finish buttoning up his shirt. he ignores it, walking into the realm of breakfast smells and clapping his hands together. “need any help?” they both seemed relieved that they weren't going to talk about the wedding or why minkyun was here, why he’d slept next to changyoon or ending up in his bed.

“yeah actually, can you get me the milk from the- are those my pants?”

okay then.

“uhm, no?” it was as convincing as anything else he would have said. changyoon flips another pancake smoothly, tossing his imaginary long hair back in pride. turning away from him to grab the milk himself.

“then they’re too small.”

 

* * *

 

he knows no matter how long he lied in bed waiting for a resolution there wouldn't be one. he hated himself for feeling good, he hates that it feels like at least something in his life is right.

is it wrong?

is it so horrible to want this?

“mm, what’s on your mind sleeping beauty.” seungjoon’s morning voice is different than what he remembered. it’s deeper than before. “nothing.” he turns over to plant a kiss on seungjoon's chapped lips while attempting to smile with some of his face still mostly bruised. it doesn't really feel like pain anymore, it just feels like an achy reminder that life is still wrong in so many ways. the space that minkyun once lied in is taken by another man.

a man that holds him differently, kisses him differently, makes love to him differently. and he really doesn't want to know how minkyun would react to this sight. it’s not like he’s doing this out of spite. he was kicked out of the car rightfully. he would have run him over is he were minkyun. it still feels like he’s cheating somehow. the fact that he hooked up with a high school boyfriend a few hours after he’d broken it off with minkyun makes him feel like an asshole. maybe that’s his punishment.

 

* * *

 

through a mouthful of changyoon’s spongy pancakes and way too much syrup and whipped cream he turns to changyoon as he washes the pans and asks, “so you gonna tell me why you were passed out drunk with a salmon on your head?”

the other doesn't falter in his rather aggressive scrubbing of a pancake batter bowl.

“your boyfriend gave me a migraine and there was tylenol at the bottom of the wine bottle.” minkyun laughs, thinks about it, then stops.

“why were you in my house.” changyoon cuts him with an accusing tone, “sleeping next to me.”. minkyun swallows hard on the lump of pancake in his mouth, knocking back a mouthful of orange juice, “the pancakes are good.”.

“minkyun,” changyoon sets a butter knife down with a grating clang of the metal on the sink, “did something happen?”

it genuinely sounds like a question, not the way changyoon usually asks things. he usually asks like he already knows the answers, because he does. now minkyun’s got a secret, things he usually can’t keep from him.

it’s power he doesn’t want.

“hyojin and i aren’t together anymore, kicked him out of the car last night in the rain. kinda don’t care where he ends up.”

changyoon snorts, “that’s cruel.”

“life’s cruel.” he meant it light heartedly but changyoon just nods slowly, “yeah i guess it is.”.

minkyun finishes his pancakes in silence, washing his own plate and joining changyoon on the couch where he leans back. the limp looking salmon in his lap, as he pokes at it.

“i don't get how people can just go out and date.”

minkyun tilts his head over to catch the way changyoon pulls a pink lip between his teeth. “i feel like i need to make a friend, get to know someone without expectations,” changyoon rolls his eyes, looking at him between lined lids and shadowy lashes, “then fuck that friend and see what happens.”

you know when you try to swallow a large chunk of food.

immediately realizing your mistake once your jaw starts to ache from chewing so slowly and fruitlessly to crush it down. so you give up and just start swallowing, trying to push down this lump of mushy nutrients with all the strength you have left.

but you just start choking.

choking up all your disgusting mistakes.

minkyun feels a little something like that.

after years of trying to think around his feelings for changyoon into little pieces and make them disappear, he can't. it's tiring to crush all the little hearts that cover his pupils. he thought it'd be easier when he and hyojin moved, if anything it'd gotten more complicated. with the wedding and the possibility that he’d see him again.

he thought he should just give in, force down this mess and get on with his life. but the second those words left changyoons pink marshmallow lips, choking on his longing and impatience.  

he just had to spit it out- something, anything

“we’re friends.” the words force there way past his teeth, kicking and screaming there way to changyoon. he laughs, a crisp sweet sound that makes minkyun want to puke, in a good way. changyoon brings a hand to cover his spreading smile, kissing it slightly. “impeccable observation.” when changyoon takes his hand from his lips it's stained with his baby pink lip tint. minkyun forgets to remember his self-control.

“so we’ve gotten to know each other without expectations,” changyoon hums, picking up the end of it curiously. “so should we just fuck and see what happens?” his voice is grainy like it's coming from an old tv set. there's no hesitation, but it doesn't sound like he means it somehow. changyoon doesn't move, he's still but breathing quieter than before like he's trying to hide from him.

“you like, just broke up with hyojin.” changyoons whispering, like the fbi had microphones in his lamps. “yeah.”

“so we shouldn't do this.”

“totally.”

he twiddles his thumbs in his lap.

“i mean he _was_ in love with seungjoon-"

and changyoons kissing him, slithering onto his lap, the poor salmon flops to the floor somewhere at his feet.

he’s bracing his small palms on his chest and kneading. _sweet lord_.

changyoon’s mouth is a pretty summer day with a tinge of a hangover on his breath. it's laying on a lawn after a party, cool night air but heat in the humid air. there’s an innocence to it, like all kisses with someone you haven’t kissed in a while end up being.  still, there’s a persistence in the heat, one that pierces through you and boils your blood. because if he hasn't mentioned this before, changyoon is _so hot_.

then he’s pulling away and minkyun is unnecessarily _pissed_.

“sorry, god-you and hyojin-" changyoon shakes his head

“we broke up.”

“but hyojin-"

“screw hyojin.”

changyoon jabs his pointer finger into his sternum. normally it’s a teasing gesture, one minkyun takes with a quip and a grin. now all his brain will tell him is that changyoon is touching him. that they're making contact.

they're making contact in five different places and _not_ kissing.

“wait, hold on a sec, i thought i was screwing _you_?”

“oh my _god,_ you talk too much.” changyoon grins in response, a typical sly, crescent moon smile. now dusted with a blush on his cheeks, some unsteadiness in his thighs. the space between them is so warm and minkyun wants to curl into it.

“then, shut me up.” changyoon whispers against his skin, leans closer so there are a million more points of contact. minkyun almost purrs when changyoon starts to secure his short fingers in his hair.

“tell me how.”

changyoon pulls their faces together. teeth, tongue, _everything_ . minkyun can feel it sizzling like firewood in his chest, because this, _this_ is what he’s been waiting on. he didn’t want a career, he didn’t want money or cats or any of it. he didn’t even want hyojin anymore, and he didn’t mind it. he wanted whatever blazing bright fire changyoon had.

okay, maybe he wanted cats as well.

he deserved to be a tad selfish after the day he’s had, didn’t he?

he deserved to be on cloud 9 beneath changyoon for a second.

he doesn’t have time to be too reverent or too thoughtful. he doesn’t have time to name this feeling coursing through his cold veins, pressed up against a little bonfire.

he settles on ‘beautiful’ when changyoon whimpers into his mouth. beautiful works.

limbs that aren't his own, tastes that are unfamiliar, mingle and move like parts of him. his hands are beneath changyoon’s waistband, pawing at the soft skin, fingers tracing the small stretch marks. he let him up for air and bites down his pale neck, careful but only after he scratched a stark line with his teeth.

“minkyun.” he ‘hmm’s against changyoon’s clavicle, taking in the smell of cheap cologne samples. “i feel like i should tell you that i’ve never gone farther than this. making out, i mean.” changyoon chuckles to himself, letting it fizzle out into the awkwardness only he could create.

“like with anyone?”

“the word ‘never’ does imply-”

“well yeah, i just-” he thought back to the cheesy instagram posts of bedsheets and a caption from some selena gomez song he barely knows. he’s always seen changyoon as a very sexual guy. loose hips, sharp smirk, quick and inappropriate wit. its true attractiveness doesn’t equal being sexual, that’s just the way changyoon was. he curses himself for assuming anything about him, assuming that after high school he’d become something unrecognizable. in the end it’s still teenage changyoon under this body: nervous, dorky, and adorable.

 

changyoon pushes him down until his back hits the couch, minkyun assesses the others bliss covered features, looking for hints of discomfort or pain. neither presents themselves, just shifty brown eyes darting away followed by deep red cheeks. “you’re so cute.” minkyun arches closer, nuzzling into his flowery scent. changyoon just shuts his eyes and whines, tugging at minkyun’s dress shirt, “take it off. quickly.”

minkyun quirked an eyebrow, “demanding?”

changyoon worked open the first button easily with one hand, the other holding minkyun to the couch by his bicep. changyoon rolls his eyes and smirks with a response through giggles, “concupiscent.”

minkyun has no idea what that means and he doesn’t even have time to be confused because changyoon’s done undoing the buttons and is shucking the shirt off his shoulders. there’s that horrible moment where he’s half naked and changyoon’s not, which is one of his least favorite parts of having sex. it was helpful when hyojin just walked around their house naked.

changyoon’s already sitting back on his legs and pulling off his sweater. the view is spectacular, and unobstructed view of his pretty chest and his pretty thighs. his eyes follow minkyun’s gaze to the front of his joggers. he decides he doesn’t like being on top.

lifting himself up to pull minkyun down to lay over him on the couch. minkyun moved his legs around, his thigh brushing between changyoon’s legs, his breath hiccups audibly.

“that okay?” changyoon nodded clearly, bringing him closer with hand on his waist.

his brain follows his words, a lag in his verbal filter.

“tell me what you want, hyung.”

“i don’t know. anythings cool.” he doesn’t make eye contact, just stretches his neck back and tries to pretend he’s not pressing against minkyun’s leg. he can feel it, he wouldn’t tell changyoon, but he can.

“this isn’t like asking you what you want on a pizza, i can’t pick for you. i won’t know unless you tell me.” he laughs a bit to lighten the desperate aura, it thins a little.

“please, just-”

okay, the aura is back.

“‘please’ isn't a verb.”

“sure it is, like the bruno mars song featuring cardi b.” changyoon clears his throat and creases his brow, “i would sing it but i don’t remember anything but the ‘please me’ part.”

“i’m actually begging you not to sing it.”

“i sing when i’m nervous.”

“do you specifically sing bruno mars songs featuring cardi b.”

“i mean i don’t think i’ve ever been as nervous as i am right now, and there are only like two songs in that specific category. it’s ‘please me’ and then ‘finesse’-”

“have i mentioned you talk too much?” it’s not like he actually minds it. it feels like his body is less tense, his hips move in slow circles around minkyun’s thigh. it’s absent-minded, but minkyun’s almost laser focused on it.

he adds pressure and changyoon notices, a slow sigh parts his lips into a lazy smile, “it may have come up.”

changyoon brings minkyun’s chin up to face him, his hands hot and red. “does it bother you?”

minkyun froze, conveying his sincerity with a long stare, “of course not. i can take care of you.” he must sound so sleazy, and it’s worth it to see changyoon’s face flare up. he pinches his arm but he barely feels it over the childish delight.

“well, for someone who suggested the whole ordeal you’re oddly shy.” changyoon rolled his eyes and mumbled, “i didn’t expect you to say yes.”

minkyun was distracted instantly by changyoon’s neck again, which was much to clean for his liking. he bit and sucked at few soft patches of skin, they didn’t take long to bruise and flower.

changyoon shuddered under every touch, violently at first then less so. a particularly sudden jerk after minkyun dragged his teeth over one of the many pretty marks he’d just breathed a distant, “tickles.”

changyoon’s skin is absurdly soft. milky, just pale enough that he still looks human. tints of blood running through his veins, muscles tensing.

“okay, kn-know that i want.”

“do tell.”

“mouth- _ah_ , pl-please-” he giggles “i feel weird saying it now.”

“here?” minkyun rolls hips to moves his thigh between changyoon’s legs. he squeezes his legs holding his thigh in place, “ _nghn-_ where else?”

“i don’t know, my mouth can go a lot of places. _excuse me_ , for trying to be thorough.” he’s only _kind of_ fucking with him.

“and you say _i_ talk too much.” changyoon says into his shoulder, his voice is lower too, humming under minkyun’s skin as if he’s saying it more to himself than the world. he rocks in harder, he’s grinding himself against minkyun properly now, and minkyun opens his mouth and makes an awful sound of desperation, grabs changyoon’s waist to pull him in closer so he can meet him in the middle. the angle’s all wrong, of course, they’re not even getting direct contact, but the sound of changyoon’s breathing going frantic because of him, because changyoon wants him, is enough to pour a shiver into his veins until he can’t steady his hands on the other boy’s skin.

when changyoon lifts his head, minkyun’s first thought is that he’s going to kiss him. but he rolls his eyes and glares.

“i know you’re being nice and that’s so sweet but just-” his voice is breathy but not weak, just blunt and desperate.

“it’s not being ‘nice’, i don’t want to push you.”

“you’re not pushing me i would tell you now do something before i literally fucking push you.” he doesn’t look upset or even close to having the strength in him to flick minkyun on the forehead. the cognitive dissonance doesn’t seem to dawn on changyoon as he just lies there. blushing and squirming, eyes shut with words caught between the gaps in his spit-slick lips. he looks like sex. and this isn’t even sex...is it? he’s always had trouble deciphering what sex even means. to him, sex is watching changyoon threatening him in an undeniably needy and cute manner. urban dictionary would disagree with him.

changyoon kicks his joggers off with his feet, tossing them on the floor. minkyun follows them to the floor and has a strange thought. he kind of wants to be on his knees. on changyoon’s rough shag throw rug, between the lock of changyoon’s soft thighs. he wants his knees to bruise and scratch, his hair messy and pulled, he wants to be at changyoon’s feet.

“i’m gonna get on my knees, is that okay?” the other's eyes look like saucers, and he shakes his head violently

“you _really_ don’t have to.” the way he’s looking at minkyun already getting off the couch to settle on the floor says he wants him to. he looks hungry. and honestly, minkyun’s hungry too.

“want to.” minkyun puts his weight on his knees waiting for changyoon to part his legs so he can settle between them.

“okay.” he spreads them slowly, his cheek pressed into the couch cushion, seemingly interested in the bookcase on the other wall.

he’s seen roughly two dicks in his life this intimately.

his and hyojin’s(and if his own doesn’t count then just bring that number back down to one). but it’s not always about quantity in this case, he thinks. he learned a lot of things from hyojin, he learned a lot of things with hyojin. about himself, about anatomy. knowledge doesn’t make him less nervous about sucking changyoon off. changyoon is different. he fits in his hand, snug and warm, and twitching. a pretty gradient of spreading pale pink hues. he runs the pads of his fingers over his skin slowly, watching the way changyoon’s lips twitch and his face screws up. always sensitive, always just a little horrible at hiding it.

he’s sure whatever he has to say about changyoon’s bare body, even if it’s complimentary, will probably make him freak out. it doesn’t seem like this is the time to speak.

he rests one hand on changyoon’s hip, holding him still or just bracing himself, and dives down. no preamble at all, he goes for it, taking changyoon in, sealing his lips around the shaft and sliding down all the way to the base. if he hesitated he would've said something stupid or done something stupid and that's not what changyoon needs. he has to show some level of experience. changyoon’s cock hits the back of his throat. he takes in the feeling of his tongue and throat muscles fluttering- something relaxing than squeezing hot and wet, and it's like the first time he’s done this all over again.

changyoon tastes like salt and skin. like licking your lips after that sea salt ice cream he dried in busan once. the incessant thrum of a quickening heartbeat pulses through his mouth, tickling his cheeks. he’s warm, but it’s radiating from the inside, just a covering a secret soul.

maybe he’s getting too deep about this.

it’s just changyoon’s dick in his mouth, it’s not a nicholas sparks book.

“ah that's-” minkyun doesn’t inquire any further, just waits until he sucks a conclusion out of him. “god- minkyun i-” fingers pet lightly at the hair on top of his head sending a few paralyzing shivers down his spine. he leans into it a little harder than a normal person might but he’s far past being ashamed of that side of himself. and apparently, changyoon is far past being ashamed about enabling it. he bobs his head a bit, causing a rather obscene slurping and gurgling noises to fill the room. minkyun’s cheeks flare up, embarrassment having a field day as his whole body reaches to dangerous highs. he hums in sync with his lips and tongue. hyojin always thought eye contact during sex would be weird. he didn’t like someone looking at him when he was in such a vulnerable position. minkyun has a passionate gaze, one that made hyojin look away and one that’s made changyoon blush. but now he holds that gaze with his pretty brown eyes, doesn’t stray from minkyun’s face. his face scrunches and hips lips quirk and opens in words and not-so-much words. it was like he and changyoon were thinking the same things when they blinked back at each other. like he wasn't alone. changyoon gasps and arches up so hard minkyun’s afraid his hands won’t hold him, cries “minkyun” in a weird broken tone that is so distracting it takes minkyun a second to get his motor functions back.

changyoon’s cum tastes bitter and sharp on his tongue, but the way he can feel his cock jerk on his tongue is much more important. changyoon’s fingers press more insistently into minkyun’s hair, and when he starts to move off- slowly and trying to keep his teeth out of the way and keep his balance- changyoon starts to talk, or at least to make sound. it’s not coherent at all, really, barely words as much as unattached syllables spilling out over the smaller’s tongue. there are pieces of his name in there- _min_ and the beginnings of a ‘k’ sound -but there are just whimpers too, abbreviated moans or pleas that never make it to coherency. it’s like he’s stuttering his reaction, too caught in the moment to decide what to say, and minkyun can’t stop smiling even though it makes swallowing changyoon’s cum even harder.

changyoon just stares at him, “how do you know how to do that?” the bewilderment in his voice is endearing and stokes his ego just right.

“natural talent i suppose.” changyoon doesn't even comment, just drags him up onto the couch and kisses him hard. he doesn't seem to mind the taste in minkyun’s mouth and-

“minkyun did you-”

his face ignites and he shifts away from being pressed into changyoon’s side. changyoon just smirks which is much worse than him being horrified, “just wash them, okay?”. he just groans and pulls changyoon to kiss him again, trying to make him forget that he came untouched. that he willingly got on his knees, that he dirtied pants that aren't even his and you can totally see it because of how fucking tight they are.

in spite of the world slowly burning, changyoon pulls away with a smile. pushing him back onto the couch to lay on his chest with a content hum. and it’s like the wedding never happened. it’s like hyojin doesn’t exist because it’s just he and changyoon forever. and he doesn’t want to move, just in case this was all fake too.

  



End file.
